I Can't Stop Drinking From This Cup Snake

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This is a real thing that happened in my life and to start, let’s go back a few months to when the Cubs tried to flex on the world and lost.

Miserably.

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People everywhere know this story for obvious reasons. The Cubs shot themselves in the foot and it was hilarious.

But here’s a story that’s not catching enough attention nationally and that’s the Cubs are down 4 games with 18 to go. It’s about a 10% chance of winning the division and slightly less than 2% chance the Cubs win the World Series.

All of this is terrible and all of this fucking sucks which is why I’m here to let you know that this Cup Snake…

… this physical, actual, real cup that looks like a snake and can hold up to 33 ounces of ice cold great tasting

This Cup Snake is saving the world. And I got my buddy (shoutout to my Region Rats everywhere) and his weird brain to thank for it.

Cubs Have A Game Tonight Guys

Chances are they rip our hearts again but fuck it. Now we got a real cup snake. Now youz can’t leave.